Unseemly Names for Girls: -lin, -lyn, -lynn, and -lynne edition

You know what? You can’t just take any old sound or word, add a femme suffix, and call it a name. I mean, clearly you can, but you shouldn’t. Rarely does it make a lovely name, and usually, it sounds cheap and tawdry. There are a few different suffixes that people have been using, but the most prevalent is -lyn, so I’ll start there. Here is a list of girls’ names from the top 1000 of 2010 list that I find reprehensible:

Brooklyn (#34), Brooklynn (#142) – Yup, Brooklyn is a city. And a lot of people live there, and a lot of people love it. I will give a teensy pass to those people who name their kids Brooklyn out of NYC pride. But the rest of you, who’ve never been to Brooklyn, and who are just doing a name-smush of Brook(e) + Lyn(n) — it’s not cute or clever.

Madelyn (#76), Madilyn (#332), Madalyn (#361), Madelynn (#398), Madilynn (#561), Madalynn (#581) – I assume this is supposed to sound like Madeleine (#320). If so, please use that original spelling, which is very pretty. And if anyone is pronouncing it MADE-el-lyn, with a long A… wow, gross.

Adalyn (#256), Adelyn (#385), Adalynn (#445), Adelynn (#633), Addilyn (#974) – I have a huge problem with names that start with the word “addle.” I know Adelaide and Adeline are legitimate, but I don’t like those, either. So expanding that line to include brand new icky addled baby girls is upsetting. And if you’re pronouncing it like Ada Lynn, why not name the kid Ada Lynn? At least she could go by one of her names later instead of sounding like a pharmaceutical.

Kaelyn (#339), Kaylin (#399), Kailyn (#439), Kaylynn (#577), Kaylyn (#772), Cailyn (#835), Kaelynn (#907) – All the misspelled variations of Caitlin (#340) have bothered me for years, but I’m not going to bother* to point out the half-dozen of those bastardizations that are still in the top 1000. These names take it one step further, dropping the T. I guess this is so you can call her something that sounds like Kaylee (#35) but she’ll still have a more “formal” name. The thing is, Kaelyn and its ilk are just as silly and babyish as Kaylee. Avoid all.

Jaelyn (#368), Jaylynn (#496), Jaelynn (#504), Jaylin (#613), Jaylyn (#862) – Horrible trash. Sure, name your kid a word that begins with “jail,” since she’ll probably wind up there. Why not? Her sister can be Morgleigh.

Jazlyn (#407), Jazlynn (#625) – I have a visceral puke reaction to these names.

Braelyn (#456), Braelynn (#893) – Is your daughter a donkey? Do you want people to think of donkeys whenever they hear your little girl’s name? No? Then I suggest you stay away from anything that starts with that sound.

Gracelyn (#524), Gracelynn (#843) – Not as bad as some of the others, but Grace is a thousand times better. Plus she’s going to get a lot of Elvis jokes.

Aylin (#573) – “Hi, I’m Aylin.” “Oh no, I’m sorry, what are you ailing from?” Get her used to it, because it’s going to happen often.

Sherlyn (#617) – Rhymes with Merlin. This is just ugly. Really bad. I am shocked that it’s on the list at all because it doesn’t even have that over-the-top feminine thing that most of the others have.

Raelynn (#626), Raelyn (#733) – Again, I just think of the word it sounds like, and I think it’s weird for a child.

Still not advisable, usually because of wacky spellings of an otherwise fine name, but I don’t have individual comments: Yoselin (#773), Evelin (#981), Ashlyn (#156), Ashlynn (#239), Joselyn (#379), Joslyn (#636), Jocelynn (#714), Evelynn (#725), Emmalynn (#745), Jacquelyn (#861)

Here are what I consider legitimate names on the top 1000 with these endings — go for it: Evelyn (#39), Jocelyn (#65), Marilyn (#547), Gwendolyn (#566), Elin (#724), Carolyn (#741), Roselyn (#932)

*I lied, yes I am: Kaitlyn (#90), Katelyn (#103), Caitlyn (#300), Katelynn (#313), Kaitlin (#665), Kaitlynn (#716)

Top 5 for Boys, 2010

I acquire the data for the most popular names from the U.S. Social Security Administration website, and popularity therefore refers to statistics for the United States.

1. Jacob

Similar boys’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Jake (#116), Jakob (#299), Jacoby (#473), Jaycob (#886), Jakobe (#942). According to Wolfram Alpha, Jacob is the 50th  most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 746,104 people. The average age of a Jacob is  13 years old.

My thoughts: Jacob is a charming name, as is its common nickname, Jake. It’s masculine without being butch, and it sounds good with most surnames. It has held the #1 spot on the chart since 1999, though, which means too many Jacobs are out there. So many decent names exist — why use one that’s so exhausted? Verdict: STOP

2. Ethan

Similar boys’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: none. According to Wolfram Alpha, Ethan is the 167th most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 283,738 people. The average age of an Ethan is 7 years old.

My thoughts: I didn’t meet my first Ethan until I was 15 years old. That’s because the name was hovering in the 300s, popularity-wise, when that particular Ethan and I were born (the early 1970s). I thought it was a fascinating, different name back then. Now it’s just painfully overused. Verdict: STOP

3. Michael

Similar boys’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Micah (#108), Micheal (#553), Mike (#867). According to Wolfram Alpha, Michael is the single most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 3.95 million people. The average age of a Michael is 54 years old.

My thoughts: Michael was the #1 name for boys for almost every year of the second half of the 20th century, so it’s unsurprising that it’s the most common American name. My father and maternal grandfather were both named Michael. I have one first cousin with Michael as a first name and another with Michael as a middle name. I have a few 2nd cousins named Michael. The name is ubiquitous… yet, somehow, I am not tired of it. I think it’s strong, masculine, and melodious. Michael is a true classic. However, if you’re looking for a unique name, and it’s important that your child stand out, name-wise, Michael is probably not the choice for you. Verdict: PROCEED WITH CAUTION

4. Jayden

Similar boys’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Jaden (#91), Jaiden (#174), Jaeden (#708), and plenty of others that rhyme, which you’ll see when I get to Aiden. According to Wolfram Alpha, Jayden is the 472nd most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 90,651 people. The average age of a male Jayden is 2 years old. Jayden is also #212 on the girls’ chart, and the average age for a female Jayden is 4 years old.

My thoughts: I despise this name. It came out of nowhere in 1994, but I don’t know its exact origin. All of its variants and rhymes really bug me, too. Whenever I hear that someone else has named their kid Jayden or something that rhymes with it, I feel sad. Why are people so in love with this name? I think it’s downright trashy. Verdict: STOP

5. William

Similar boys’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Liam (#30), Will (#622), Billy (#624), Willie (#632). According to Wolfram Alpha, William is the 6th most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 2.865 million people. The average age of a male William is 64 years old.

My thoughts: I feel the same way about William as I do Michael: it’s a classic, beautiful name, and you can only go wrong if you want something that makes your child stand out. William has the advantage over Michael in the nickname department because it has a lot more nicknames. I prefer Will. William is my boyfriend’s middle name. Verdict: PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Next up: A list of girls’ names from the top 1000 that horrify me.

Top 5 for Girls, 2010

I acquire the data for the most popular names from the U.S. Social Security Administration website, and popularity therefore refers to statistics for the United States.

1. Isabella

Similar girls’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Bella (#48), Isabelle (#105), Isabel (#116), Izabella (#140), Isabela (#569), Isabell (#828). According to Wolfram Alpha, Isabella is the 281st most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 169,219 people. The average age of an Isabella is 2 years old.

My thoughts: Isabella is a victim of its own popularity. It was already in the top 10 before the Twilight books & films introduced Isabella ‘Bella’ Swan to the world, and the author probably chose that name for her heroine (whether consciously or subconsciously) because of its ubiquity and currency. I think the name is over-frilled for the average American child; I prefer the simpler, more elegant ‘Isabel’ in this family of names. Verdict: STOP

2. Sophia

Similar girls’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Sofia (#26), Sophie (#59). According to Wolfram Alpha, Sophia is the 288th most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 167,224 people. The average age of a Sophia is 4 years old.

My thoughts: good friends of mine named their daughter Sophia in 2003, when it was at the bottom of the top 20, and my friends weren’t yet aware that it was so popular. This frequently happens to new parents, especially with their first-borns, because they aren’t around little kids too often yet, and so don’t hear the popular names. Sophia has always struck me as a very ethnic-sounding name, I guess because of Sophia Loren and Sofia, Bulgaria. It also has a grown-up, sophisticated sound to me, but I suspect that’s going to evolve as all the little Sophias enter my orbit as teens and young adults. Although I don’t love the name, I can’t find much fault with it, either, except that it’s much too popular and I am tired of hearing it. Be more original. Verdict: STOP

3. Emma

Similar girls’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Emily (#6), Emery (#312), Emerson (#315), Emely (#317), Emilia (#350), Emilee (#472), Emilie (#734), Emmalyn (#745), Emmalee (#794), Emmy (#942). According to Wolfram Alpha, Emma is the 133rd most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 334,891 people. The average age of an Emma is 8 years old.

My thoughts: Emma has been wildly popular for a long time now; I thought its peak would have been reached right after it was bestowed upon Rachel’s & Ross’s baby on Friends in May 2002, but a bevy of young actresses named Emma have kept the name in the limelight since then and some people probably thought it was a good alternative to Emily, which held the #1 spot from 1996-2007. I think it’s a very pretty name, simple and graceful, and easy to pair with most surnames. Sadly, again, I cannot recommend this name, because it’s unfair to give your child a name that so many others share. Speaking from experience, it’s exasperating to be one of four kids in your class with the same name. Verdict: STOP

4. Olivia

Similar girls’ names on the top 1000 chart for 2010: Alivia (#174), Olive (#546), Livia (#826). According to Wolfram Alpha, Olivia is the 175th most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 271,807 people. The average age of an Olivia is 2 years old.

My thoughts: When I was a kid, the two big Olivias in my life were Olivia Newton-John and Olivia on Sesame Street. Never in a million years did I dream this name would become so popular. It hasn’t exited the top-1000 chart since they started keeping name statistics in 1880, but it didn’t really start to climb high until the 1990s. Olivia has the frilly, multi-syllabic femininity of Isabella and the -IA ending of Sophia, so I guess it’s not so hard to believe that Olivia is a consistent contender for the top spot in names for baby girls. It also has a Shakespeare connection, so erudite parents can feel good about giving it to their daughters. And there is also the adorable pig named Olivia, of course — although built-in merchandise with the name of one’s child on it can be a mixed blessing. Are you noticing a pattern of my recommendations for these über-popular names? Verdict: STOP

5. Ava

Similar girls’ names of the top 1000 chart for 2010: Eva (#91), Avah (#830). According to Wolfram Alpha, Ava is the 395th most common name in the U.S. today, possessed by 118,245 people. The average age of an Ava is 4 years old.

My thoughts: Was it Reese Witherspoon who popularized this name by giving it to her kid? Never underestimate the power of People magazine to affect baby names. It’s crazy to me how many people want to emulate stars when it comes to names; crazy because I think names are so important and personal. But I guess there are a lot of people who consider their favorite actors very important to their lives, and imitating their choices in fashion or baby names is the ultimate tribute. I cannot relate. However, like Emma, Ava is a graceful, simple palindrome of a name, and I can see the appeal. Also like Emma, Ava is much too popular, so please don’t consider it now. Verdict: STOP

Up next: the Top 5 for Boys.

Names, Names, Names

I am starting this blog to talk about names. I will trash many current trendy names, in hopes of steering parents away from misspelled or otherwise misguided onomastic tragedies. I love to do research and will try to offer interesting facts about various names.